no, thank YOU for being a friend

Oh my god, oh my god, oh my god! Rue "Blanche Devereaux" McClanahan will be reading from her new book My First Five Husbands & the Ones Who Got Away tonight at the Drama Book Shop. If you can make it, go. I bet she is fabulous!

Oh my good, oh my god, oh my god! I can't go because I don't get out of work until after 7 and I have prior commitments.

Stupid responsibilities.

just wanted to share

Red grapes, though really good, are not a suitable substitute for french vanilla ice cream.

Fortitude, though a name of one of the lions in front of the 5th Ave branch of the New York Public Library, is not a good thing to have when you have a craving for ice cream.

Damn.

red, white, and blue state of mind

I've spent my day off catching up on current U.S. affairs. The economic bail-out, the off/on presidential debate, Sarah Palin's daily show of ineptitude, Letterman's panties in a bunch over the McCain stand-up. Fuck! It's too much to take in one day. As if I needed a reason to drink.

Luckily, there's one patriotic man I can turn to in times like these:

Yeah, yeah, yeah. TK"s an alkie. Oooo. She admitted it. The first step to recovery is admittance. What ev! I'm not drinking because I'm stressed by politics. I'm drinking because I need some perspective during this election year. So there.

some excuse

The following phone conversation took place this evening between 11:00pm and 11:10pm.

Me: Hey, so, um, I know I had the day off and all, but I have to apologize about something.
Other: Okay.
Me: Well, after the doctor's appointment I went to work and I found out some gossip and all... (insert really long story about the gossip).
Other: What are you apologizing about?
Me: Well, after work, Kansas invited me over to her apartment to visit Murphy, and, well, I don't know how to say it, so I guess I'll just tell you the truth.
Other: (silence)
Me: Murphy held me hostage and wouldn't let me come home in time to do the laundry.
other: What?
Me: Murphy. Kansas's cat? I came over for a visit and she tricked me into staying. I got home so late that it was too late to start a load of laundry. I'm sorry.
Other: (long silence) Hmm.

when pigs fly

I'm sorry to say that this article caused me to roll my eyes and say, "as if!" The long awaited TKTS booth will return to its original location in October. Pauh-leeze. It's been like, what, 10 years since the booth left the pigeon ridden Duffy Square to the wonderfully convenient location of Broadway and 46th Street on the north side of the Marriott Marquis hotel. Every so often, on playbill.com, you'd read an article about yet another delay in the construction of the new booth. I was beginning to think that the fiberglass staircase to the 2nd floor of the Olive Garden (look at it guys, it just seems to led to there) was never going to happen.

This is seriously nothing to get excited over. I don't even know why I'm writing about this. What's wrong with me? Why am I so perturbed over a glued down ticket trailer opening or not opening. Why isn't there better news on the AP? First Gay Aiken, now this. Somebody please send me a news article about the economy or about the presidential race or about the latest person getting kicked off of Dancing with the Stars. Help!

the duh files

This story should be listed under the heading, "And why does this makes the news? I thought we already knew."

Yup, Clay is gay. I'm trademarking that title before the New York Post uses it.

blood letting

My other organizes a blood drive at his boys' club every 3 months or so. This is, for all intensive purposes, a good civic duty. I haven't donated blood in about 10 years. This evening, my other asked me to come down to the boys' clubhouse and donate. I was so torn about donating. I am against blood banks not accepting gay men as donors, despite the high risk of HIV and AIDS contraction amongst all social groups despite gender, age, ethnicity and sexual orientation (for example, did you know that women are twice as likely to contract the disease than men, despite their sexual practices?). On the other hand, should one of my gay friends be in need of blood I wouldn't hesitate in giving. So, in the end I gave...but I'm still going to encourage everyone to pressure the FDA (who instituted and enforced the nationwide ban against sexually active gay men donating since 1979) to overturn their ban. Be on the lookout for form e-mails to send to people in political power, like your congress-person, from me in the near future.

Anywho... today was a very stressful and hectic day at work. Ask Kansas, she was there. After work, I ran down to the boys' clubhouse and filled out the blood center's questionnaire and had my iron level checked and proceeded to give my pint. Reminder... 10 years since I last gave blood. Before I gave, I asked the nurse why the blood bank needed my social security number. "Here's a pamphlet about that." Okay. When the needle was removed from my arm I noticed some bruising. I pointed that out to the nurse. "Here's a pamphlet about that." I flashed back to when my mom and I had that talk about sex. "Here's a pamphlet about that." No joke! That's how I received my sex education from my mom.

After I gave I became dizzy, tingly in my hand and arm, hot then cold then hot then cold again, and I felt like I was going to black out. Three times. It felt really good to lay down and to close my eyes. I began to nap a little but I was immediately energized by the thought of Isaac's "Donna story." After 4 years that story still makes me laugh. Sorry, regressing. Where was I? Oh, yeah... when I near-passed out the first time, I thought to myself, "fuck! The last time I was lying on a gurney was when I went to the hospital for emergency gall bladder surgery and the last thing I remember before I was knocked out was telling the anesthesiologist that I was sorry for not brushing my teeth before I checked into the emergency room." Well, every 5 to 10 minutes one of the nurses would come up to me, sometimes too close, to ask if I was alright or if I was ready to sit up, and I kept thinking, "fuck! If something happens to me I'm going to be so mad because I should have brushed my teeth before I came here." Some people worry about clean underwear. Others...

To make a long story short... I survived the ordeal. Was it scary? No, only embarrassing, because I repeatedly nearly died in front of my other's boys' club members/friends. Will I do it again? Not if I have a crazy/stressful day like the one I had today. Was it worth it? Only if I can say, "I'm doing it because it will save Isaac's life," or something along those lines. Sorry, Isaac. If you feel uncomfortable being my token gay male I can always ask IPJ.

legally mexican

Guess who turned of age this week? Shanel.
Guess who took her out for her first strawberry margarita? IPJ, Isaac and I.
Guess where we went for said margarita for said person's birthday?

op/oops

In my attempt to criticize Sarah Palin's micro-localized background in government and her history of nepotistic appointing and hiring while in office as both mayor and governor, I called her a product of inbreeding related to half of the population of the state of Alaska.

I would like to take this opportunity to apologize to people of Alaska; specifically to any person affiliated with the Democratic, Independent, Green and Republican Moderate (Citizens for Ethical Government) parties. I didn't mean to say that you were related to that woman. I'm sorry.

haters

As found in an online article, written by Julie Hirschfeld Davis of the Associate Press. Published Monday September 15, 2:47 PM ET, regarding Republican Vice Presidential Candidate Sarah Palin:

"She's a down-to-earth mom like me," (Jan) Thibault, a customer service representative from St. Augustine, Fla., said of Palin. "She has a basic knowledge of what it means to be middle class."

My response...

I have a basic knowledge of how to fly an airplane, of how to deliver a baby, and of how to disarm a nuclear bomb. But that does not mean that I am qualified to do any of the afore mentioned. In fact, after her interview with ABC's Charles Gibson, I doubt that Sarah Palin has a basic knowledge of how the government works or the current political issues of the day.

As found in an New York Times article about Palin's governing style by Jo Becker, et al, published September 13, 2008:

"Interviews show that Ms. Palin runs an administration that puts a premium on loyalty and secrecy."

My response...

So does the mafia. Gov. Palin's consistently reported style of using fear tactics (as there is no line between personal and business with her), and using extreme measures to remove those who oppose her, shows that there is little difference between her camp and the mafia. DISCLAIMER: I am in no way saying that Gov. Palin has ever attempted to put a hit on anyone (as least the evidence that is reported doesn't support that). I'm just criticizing her behavior and procedures. It's my first amendment right to do so.

I guess you'll know the punchline to this joke. What's the difference between Sarah Palin and mafia godfather? Middle-class hockey mom, my ass.

I'm it

Gad-zooks. Tagged again. Okay, how does this work?

1. Turn your iPod (or whatever thing houses your music collection) on shuffle
2. See how long it takes you to get to a song that'll disqualify you from the Presidency.

Here we go...

1. "[Untitled Track]" from the album (What's the Story) Morning Glory by Oasis. It's 44 seconds of electric guitar music played to the sound of moving water. I couldn't imagine what that may signify, except that I'm possibly speechless and without words for this task.

2. "Hallelujah" John Cale. Lyrics are obviously religious in reference (good) but since I'm not versed in Christian references without the help of Wikipedia (bad) I'm going to have to take a crack and say that the lyrics, "She tied you to a kitchen chair / She broke your throne, she cut your hair / And from your lips she drew the Hallelujah," foretell the wrath of Sarah Palin as a Delilah figure? Yikes!

3. "Too Little Too Late" Barenaked Ladies. Having a physically close proximity to Canada does count as foreign policy, after all.

4. "Perfect World" Huey Lewis & the News. This song talks about the inability to imagine a future and trust disintegrating over time. I have no hope of winning anyone over on the campaign trail with this song.

5. "Changes" David Bowie. The lyrics, "And these children that you spit on / As they try to change their worlds / Are immune to your consultations / They're quite aware of what they're going through, " should be a warning to the right wing.

6. "Goodbye Earl" Dixie Chicks. Pop-country (republican), female empowerment (democratic). It's a story about a small town girl marrying the first guy that comes along (localized issues) and a small town girl who goes out into the world to find her way (global perspective). At the end of the song, the girls take matters into their own hands against a law breaker (vigilante activity) and eventually become small business owners (participation in a free market society). The song's propensity for being all over the politicized spectrum with no focus could make me a front runner on the Republican ticket.

I tag MNS and laurenj.

incomprehensible

Me sleepy. So tired. I'm an old lady. I can't stay at the theatre until 11pm and expect that I'll be bright eyed and bushy tailed at my desk at 9:30 the next morning. I feel. Like. I'm going to. Fall. Over my keyboard. Can't stay up. Sleep good. Nap good. Me like Hulk. Only limited words. Want sleep. Need rem cycle right now. Nite, nite.

RIP IPJ : 2004-2008

I regret to inform the world that I have lost a co-worker. He was a very dear person. I will remember the times he made me laugh and the times he made me roll my eyes. But mostly, when I stroll along the street, and I feel the warm sun kissing my face, I will always think of him like this:

All the best, my friend. I'll miss you.

attack of the cutey-patooty

Kansas's new cat Murphy (who for some reason... and I don't know why... I want to call Harley) is the cutest kitten I have seen in ages. I finally got off my keester and went over for a visit this evening. The kitten was so cute, and I mean soooooooooooooooooooooooo cute, that I could barely watch the season premier of ANTM that was on the tv when I was there. That's how cute.

Murphy cuddled in my arms, she cuddled in Kansas's arms, played attack-cat with one of her toys, assumed the part of feline sentinel on the window sill, all before she proceeded to take her cat nap. I was so sad to leave. I did tell Kansas that when she wasn't looking I would stuff Murphy in my shirt to take her home. "Oh well, I guess if your cat doesn't want to say bye. What's that bulge in my shirt, you ask? Oh, you know. It's that time of the month. Really bloated."

summer in review

I may have to update this later with pictures, but I though it would be nice to summarize the summer of '08.

1. Toronto/Megabus/We Will Rock You:
My friend Jessica and I took a veeeeeeeerrrrrryyyyyyy long bus ride from NYC to Toronto just to see a musical. It was really exciting on a couple of levels; because I can't remember the last time I had a trip to anywhere that didn't involve family and because I finally got my passport. The city was beautiful, the food was wonderful, the sites were amazing, and the show was a bunch of fun with a really cute leading French-Canadian man. Mon dieu! Il était très beau.

2. Coney Island/Brooklyn Cyclones/Wonder Wheel:
I finally got of my butt and arraigned to have a group of current and ex-pat Vic'ers go to a ball game. A really decent sized group of us sat in the outfield bleachers on a gorgeous Friday night eating Nathans, trying to catch freebie shirts, and cheering for the home team. We ended our night with fireworks, fried dough and cotton candy, and a group ride in the Wonder Wheel (a stationary car, not the very scary swing car). A couple of us even rode the water flume that evening. From Coney Island to Astoria on the local N in sopping wet clothes in an air conditioned subway car. Fun.

3. Six Flags/Morality Police/That Sick-to-Your-Stomach Feeling by Noon:
On the last unofficial weekend of summer, me and part of my crew bused it out to,... well, we weren't quite sure, other than we knew we were in Jersey, to go to Six Flags. I haven't rode a roller coaster in like 8 years. I discovered that day that the amusement park is striving to become more wholesome and family friendly (ie: the little rule card you received prior to your park entry. No cursing, no midriffs, no smoking outside of the predesignated roped off 4x4 areas, etc... and it was enforced before our eyes!) and that I'm officially an old lady. I made it through 5 coasters and the air tram prior to lunchtime before I had to admit to myself that I'm not a teenager and can't take this tasting-my-stomach feeling.

I also learned that day that woman can not survive on chicken and potatoes alone. Where were the vitamins?!

4. Indiana/High School Graduation/Endless Pontoon Rides:
In as few words as possible...lots of corn fields; the step-kid didn't graduate; I didn't fish, but I got at least 3 books read.

5. Pool Parties/Psychiatrist/Other:
Other events of the summer include...
*graduating college
*swimming in a private pool (it's good to have friends who have things you can take advantage of)
*staring therapy with my other (and it's going... and going... and going...)
*attending summer concerts (Billy Idol and Tom Petty and the Heartbreakers)
*going to the library for fun and not for assignments
*having every weekend off during the summer (I have not had Saturday AND Sunday off since I was unemployed)
*seeing lots of theatre (few good, most horrendous)
*and my never-before-seen Donna Reed impersonation (I cooked and cleaned house like a good little house wife-bleach!).

In summation:
This was certainly the best summer I've had since I moved to NY 8 years ago. It's great to know that I have lots of good friends to spend my time with and who all still know how to have a good time. It's one of those times in my life I'll be able to look back on fondly when I'm a senior citizen waiting in line for the early bird at the IHOP and I tell my friends from the rest home, "back in my day...". Good times.