an opinion as big as my belly

I know the topic of politeness and pregnancy has been discussed by all of us. Especially when it come to being offered a seat on the subway. Do you, don't you? Why some people do, why most don't.

There was an article in the City Room section of The New York Times, posted this past Friday, regarding this very subject. You should read it. Not necessarily for the article itself but, instead, for the comments. Wow! There are some nasty people in this city. It only reminds me of my own, and still continuing, experiences being pregnant and trying to find a seat on the subway.

Look, I'm not blind, I'm not old, I'm not crippled, and I'm certainly not fat. I'm pregnant. And yes, it was by choice. But to all of you assholes on the N, the W, or any other train line in the MTA system, let me tell you this: You run past me for an empty seat. You stare at my belly for a period of time that borders on outright rude. You put in your earbuds in an attempt to "ignore" me. Your entitled attitudes towards a fucking seat for 3 stops makes you retarded. And I understand, being retarding is a disability, and not all disabilities can be seen. However, my pregnancy CAN been seen. I try to stick it in your faces while I "accidentally" step on your toes and firmly hold my belly when the train rounds sharp corners at fast speeds.

Just remember, especially you urbanized post-feminists in your Wall Street power suits who are quick to pass judgment on us preggos just because we want to be able to sit down, when you're pregnant (or when your wife, girlfriend, surrogate, bff, or whomever is in that physical state) don't come bumping into me because you're knocked up, your cankles are the size of manholes and it's sweltering outside. I'll be too busy holding onto my bundle of joy in her Baby Bjorn... while sitting.

revenge is possible

Elmo. Remember that creepy bastard? You know, the one who stalks around Times Square preying off of dumb tourists who shout "Hey look, it's Elmo! Let's get a picture with him." Remember? There's a whole army of Elmo's shaking up people who pose with him for money.

Well, thanks to a New York Daily News reporter and his cameraman, one Elmo will think twice before he waves at unsuspecting tourists. Friday night, in front of the Planet Hollywood, one of the Elmos was "demand(ing) money from people (for them taking his picture) and, when he didn't get it, swore and jostled them. "No picture. No picture. You have to tip Elmo. You have to tip Elmo or Elmo gets angry," he told one tourist as he tried to cover up the tourist's camera. One child who asked his mother why Elmo was in a rage was told by mommy, "That's not the real Elmo. That's a bad Elmo." During that same incident, Elmo was almost beaten up by a concerned citizen.

Luckily, a reporter and his cameraman from the New York Daily News tried to reveal the true identity of this impostor Elmo. Elmo, after an attempt to grab the cameraman's camera, justified his behavior by saying, "Elmo needs to make a living, too."

Poor Elmo. Perhaps Oscar the Grouch can council him in anger management.

pre-show scene

I'm walking east-bound in Chelsea to meet my other. We are on the phone with each other.

me: Hey, where are you?
him: Just standing in front of the theater, looking at this sexy lady walk towards me.
me: Ooo, well, that's nice. I'll be there soon.

A few seconds later, I notice my other, stepping forward with his arm extended, but he's not standing in my direction. I look ahead. He greets and hugs Marian Seldes. I stand by, in shock.

me: Well, if you would have told me that you were looking at a classy lady, I wouldn't be so disappointed right now.