keep it focused

Yesterday, at Lamaze class, the group watched a video of 3 different vaginal births. My favorite was a couple from Boston named Marge (I think that was her name) and Carl. Thick Boston accents make me laugh for some reason. That they had a focal point for Marge to rely on made me laugh for some reason. That their focal point was a 3x5 picture of their cat made me laugh even more. That Carl asked Marge a couple of time during labor, even while she was in the shower, if she wanted her focal point made me loose it.

After the movie, the Lamaze teacher told us a focal point was a good idea, but it should be something bigger, like a small poster. Well, imagine if you were in labor, and your partner asked you if you wanted your focal point and this was it:

Wouldn't you just slap them? Yeah, me too.

political damnation

Peeps, you have to remind me to mail out my absentee ballot application this week. If I don't get to vote in this year's mayoral election I might end up birthing a cow instead of birthing a baby. An' I don't know nuthin' 'bout birthin' no cows!

Why does it have to be a tough decision this year. I don't want to vote for Bloomberg. I don't want to vote for Thompson. And I don't know who the other saps that are running are. I might as well exercise my "fill-in-the-blank" option. But if I do that, I'll have to come up with someone worthy of the office. But who would I want to wish that upon? I believe in civic duty, but anyone running a campaign for a major office has to be a little wack-a-do. Come on, who in their sane mind would really want to be mayor of a major city? Perhaps I'll write in the name of my sworn enemy.


Yup, you guessed it. That molester.

Elmo don't like political scandal.

fortune telling

I tried to put an embedded video on a response to one of Erica's posts. I was mentioning that I see a future for her and Beth as this duo:



Just like them, but without Maude.

all that funny

Faith, Beth and I are in the office. Faith begins to sing "All That Jazz" under her breath.

Faith: Come on babe, why don't we paint the town? And all that jazz.

She continues to sing. Beth joins in.

Faith: It's just a noisy hall, where's there's a nightly brawl. And...
Beth: ...all. That. Jaaaaaazzzzzzz.
me: Hacha!
Beth: Wookie!

i-scream, u-donate

Who wants to eat ice cream for a good cause? Put your hand down, Ian, you're already a given.

Cold Stone Creamery is having an Ice Cream Social for the Make-a-Wish Foundation. Thursday, September 24, from 5-8pm you can get a free 3 oz "Make-a-Wish Creation" (sweet cream ice cream mixed with brownies, sprinkles and topped with caramel) with a donation to the Make-a-Wish Foundation. And if you don't know what Make-a-Wish is you don't deserve ice cream. So be sure to go to their site, www.wish.org.

my optometrist thinks i'm crazy

I'm starting to feel that I have a a bit of a rep when it comes to these. Ah, well. It's what makes me unique.

The subject line of a recently received e-mail: Nighttime Protection for Expecting Moms

What I read: Nighttime Protection from Expecting Moms

So, keep your little ones inside and don't lurk in dark alleys. I might be after you!

what's that in the air?

Can it be? I recognize the sun. I see more blue than white or gray in the sky. But that feeling on my skin. It's a little... chilly. My brain isn't making sense of it. Can it be that fall is here already? Huzzah! I noticed that BB wrote about it recently, but I can't believe my own skin's sensors. Unlike BB, I prefer spring to autumn, but I'll take temperate light jacket weather over extremes in heat and cold any day of the year. I just wish it could be like that all of the time. Like how Florida is hot all of the time, but 20 degrees cooler would be nice.

Speaking of temperature, I was going through some pictures this weekend and last and I noticed a few things about my upbringing that's a little different. Not bad. Just... different. 1. in all of my Christmas photos, everyone in my family is always wearing t-shirts and shorts. Even outdoors. 2. there are few pictures of my mom (as she's the main photographer/archiver in the family) and everyone else doesn't smile much. 3. ... unless we are giving the photographer the middle finger. 4. I hate that my family is so far away. I don't want them living next door or anything. Just a day's drive away would be nice.

Anyway, what are you doing reading my post? Go outside! Enjoy the lovely weather. I promise you, right now, I'm outside frolicking and not inside reading your blog.

an opinion as big as my belly

I know the topic of politeness and pregnancy has been discussed by all of us. Especially when it come to being offered a seat on the subway. Do you, don't you? Why some people do, why most don't.

There was an article in the City Room section of The New York Times, posted this past Friday, regarding this very subject. You should read it. Not necessarily for the article itself but, instead, for the comments. Wow! There are some nasty people in this city. It only reminds me of my own, and still continuing, experiences being pregnant and trying to find a seat on the subway.

Look, I'm not blind, I'm not old, I'm not crippled, and I'm certainly not fat. I'm pregnant. And yes, it was by choice. But to all of you assholes on the N, the W, or any other train line in the MTA system, let me tell you this: You run past me for an empty seat. You stare at my belly for a period of time that borders on outright rude. You put in your earbuds in an attempt to "ignore" me. Your entitled attitudes towards a fucking seat for 3 stops makes you retarded. And I understand, being retarding is a disability, and not all disabilities can be seen. However, my pregnancy CAN been seen. I try to stick it in your faces while I "accidentally" step on your toes and firmly hold my belly when the train rounds sharp corners at fast speeds.

Just remember, especially you urbanized post-feminists in your Wall Street power suits who are quick to pass judgment on us preggos just because we want to be able to sit down, when you're pregnant (or when your wife, girlfriend, surrogate, bff, or whomever is in that physical state) don't come bumping into me because you're knocked up, your cankles are the size of manholes and it's sweltering outside. I'll be too busy holding onto my bundle of joy in her Baby Bjorn... while sitting.

revenge is possible

Elmo. Remember that creepy bastard? You know, the one who stalks around Times Square preying off of dumb tourists who shout "Hey look, it's Elmo! Let's get a picture with him." Remember? There's a whole army of Elmo's shaking up people who pose with him for money.

Well, thanks to a New York Daily News reporter and his cameraman, one Elmo will think twice before he waves at unsuspecting tourists. Friday night, in front of the Planet Hollywood, one of the Elmos was "demand(ing) money from people (for them taking his picture) and, when he didn't get it, swore and jostled them. "No picture. No picture. You have to tip Elmo. You have to tip Elmo or Elmo gets angry," he told one tourist as he tried to cover up the tourist's camera. One child who asked his mother why Elmo was in a rage was told by mommy, "That's not the real Elmo. That's a bad Elmo." During that same incident, Elmo was almost beaten up by a concerned citizen.

Luckily, a reporter and his cameraman from the New York Daily News tried to reveal the true identity of this impostor Elmo. Elmo, after an attempt to grab the cameraman's camera, justified his behavior by saying, "Elmo needs to make a living, too."

Poor Elmo. Perhaps Oscar the Grouch can council him in anger management.

pre-show scene

I'm walking east-bound in Chelsea to meet my other. We are on the phone with each other.

me: Hey, where are you?
him: Just standing in front of the theater, looking at this sexy lady walk towards me.
me: Ooo, well, that's nice. I'll be there soon.

A few seconds later, I notice my other, stepping forward with his arm extended, but he's not standing in my direction. I look ahead. He greets and hugs Marian Seldes. I stand by, in shock.

me: Well, if you would have told me that you were looking at a classy lady, I wouldn't be so disappointed right now.