no escape hatch to be found

How can it be possible that Friday is the dullest day of my week? Friday's are supposed to be happy and exciting and energy charged. Mine. Feh!

Summer Fridays at work. Half days for everyone except me and one boss. I've been answering phone calls about mailing lists, single ticket refunds, why our website sucks (and if you are one of those people in the company who defend the site, you have to get bitched slapped by reality- the site blows!), and not a sale to show for my 8 hours spent in a warm little room with no window and even less air circulation.

Not that I'm complaining. I am getting paid. I haven't gotten fired yet (despite my 'testing-the-water' efforts). I'm in good health. I shouldn't bitch.

But I can't help it! It's so freakin' dull. All of this free time just makes me think about all of the different ways that I'd improve the various departments of this company. And my at-work-with-me boss really doesn't like it that I have an opinion. So for his sake, please give me something to do!

*This rant was brought to you by the sounds "ugghhh!" and "arggghhh."

contents of a gumball machine: priceless

Okay, honey. Here's a quarter. You can either have a piece of gum, a bouncy ball, or a fake tattoo. What? What do you want? You want THAT?

Hmm, so you want to walk out of this store and look like a Village Person? Looks like we're going to have a talk with your father when we get home.

not enough rubber bands to keep my pants together

I've moved into the stage in my pregnancy where I'm at a fork in the road. Maternity pants or mumus. I'm no where near being an 80 year old Jewish-New Yorker who's spending her twilight years in Boca del Vista, so I guess the pants with with sewn-in belly pocket it is.

While out in the midwest on a recent vacation, my other and I did a little bit of shopping at a Target (you know, the ones where they are huge and clean and well stocked with the things you can by online but you can't buy at the Target in your local outer borough). I found the maternity clothes with no problem, right next to the plus size section (I felt better already). 6 racks of tees, tanks, dresses, jeans, shorts, and whatever. Thank goodness for maternity tops. Comfortable, roomy and fall at my hips. I bought 2. I would tell you about the shorts or pants that I bought, but they didn't have any in my size. Oh, well. I'll just try on line.

Back in NYC, I thought that I would try going to Old Navy for a cheap option or two. They used to have a maternity department that covered half of the 3rd floor in their 34th Street location. Sadly, according to my recon mission last night, it's been dwindled down to 4 racks of yoga pants, mumus and shawls to go over your mumus during the hottest time of the year.

Soooooooo, I guess I'm stuck with the internet as my only shopping source. But it makes me wonder what pregnant women used to do before you could buy clothes online? If nobody sells maternity wear or if they keep the absolute minimum in stock, would I be doomed to a summer of x-tra large shirts and leggings?

I swear, I did a double take

What I read on a neighborhood sandwich board:
Breast Burrito

What the neighborhood sandwich board actually said:
Breast Burrito

It really did say that! I stood there for a couple of minutes just to make sure my eyes weren't deceiving me. Hmmmm, I want one of those, hold the nipple.

what consumes 80% of my free time

Have I told you about Thor yet?

How do I explain Thor and his presence in my life? Well, Thor is a ventless washer/dryer one barrel unit that my friend Steve and his boyfriend Kib gave to me and my other. They moved away from NYC to a place where washers and dryers are standard appliances with apartments (which is everywhere outside of NYC). Ergo, Thor was given to my other and I. Thoughtful.

The instructions that come with Thor explained how much clothing (by weight and fabric) can be washed or dried at anytime, that compartment 1 is for power detergents only and that compartment 2 is for liquid detergents only, and a long list of troubleshooting ideas. It does not tell you how the machine, once it is hooked up to a standard faucet, extracts and discards water nor does it tell you how to set up the dryer function of the machine.

So... after 2 weeks of admiring Thor (we weren't sure if we had the right faucet attachments and we needed some padding to help absorb shaking) we sat infront of Thor with our instructions trying to figure out the basics. After 90 minutes and some tightening of the hoses to prevent leaks, we hooked up hoses to the faucet, loaded in some dirty laundry, put liquid detergent in compartment 2 only, and started the machine.

It was magic. We watched it for spilling and other unforeseen problems. For 10 minutes, nothing.

The dryer... that was a different story. 3 hours, 3 HOURS and not a single sock had dried at all. I took out a pillow case and let it dry in the bathroom and it was dry in no time. My first thought, the next day when I took my wet laundry to the laundrymat to use a dryer, was how much would it cost to ship that piece of crap back to its original owner.

Alas, my other found some more troubleshooting ideas on the manufacturer's website that we're going to try this weekend. Hopefully, we will make it work and it won't be at a lost. I like the idea of my own washer and dryer but I like the idea of a working one better. I'll keep you updated.

I really need glasses

Advertisement slogan: Make babies your business

What I read: Making babies is your business

Yeah, well, only part time.

oh, sweet mystery of life

I have about 40 posts to write, as it has be for-ev-va' since I've last graced my presence on this blog. But here's probably the most important topic of them all to write about.

If you were a fly on the wall, in the box office on Saturdays, you would be privy to what has turned into a game (reluctantly of sorts and pathetically for sure) for Isaac and I. Let's call it What Should We Do for Lunch?. It's named after the exact start of our diatribe. "What should we do for lunch?" "I don't know, what do you want." "I'm not sure. All I know is that I'm broke." "Me too. And I'm so tired of all of the options in this part of town." "Well, I'm not going to that suspect Cuban place you like." "Yeah? Well, I'm not going for your Thai place. I don't really like Thai, and I'm not impressed them like you are."

And so on and so on. It has been know to go on for hours. Literally.

Menupages.com and Seemlessweb.com are searched until our stomachs start rumbling and then we either give in to a standard option or we go our separate ways.

May have I found a solution? A site where others have done the work for us, by informing us of generally affordable places with good food that are within a decent walking distance of work? Are my eyes deceiving me?

Midtownlunch.com. I have seen it once before, but never really investigated the site. Today I did. And, to my wonderment, I think I am finally happy. It's a blog written by someone who works in the midtown area (though I believe the writer is a little more east than we are) and was trying to help others navigate the crazy world of a working-person's lunch hour on a working-person's budget. Reviews and updates of restaurants and takeout places are posted, and everything is searchable either by location, name, or cuisine. Brilliant!

Are the days of our endless decision making, that has caused us to be lost in the jungle of midtown lunch options, over? Ask us later. But for now, let me bask in my discovery and in the hope that, after all, there may be hope for us.

reading IS fundamental

I need to be more patient and read a little more slowly in the future.

Actual acticle title: Hungry bear goes dumpster diving in Florida neighborhood.

What I read: Huggy bear goes dumpster diving in Florida neighborhood.

Huggy Bear. Remember him?

He's too fly to go dumpster diving?

too much information

The following took place today, at work, between 5:50pm and 6pm.

Woman at the window: I was in the bathroom, and I had nothing to read, so I read my ticket.
Me: (pause) That's nice.

can you tell me how to get the hell out of here

In a true story, the Sesame Workshop has been forced to reduce it workforce due to current economic realities.


It's easy to make a connection between unemployment and violence. I never would have guessed that it would happen on my street.

I always knew that Elmo stalking the poor New Yorkers who work in Times Square would led to more dangerous crimes. What a creepy bastard.