I allow the baby to fall asleep while nursing and let her sleep on her Boppy on my lap. While she sleeps, I surf the internet on my conveniently located laptop (next to the couch). I Facebook stalk, catch up on the Times online. I comment, occasionally, on blogs and statuses with one free hand as my drowsy daughter holds the other one hostage. I don't protest.
Am I a bad mother for this? No. Am I a bad blogger for this? Likely. And I do feel guilty for not updating on either of my blogs.
When I think on this too much and am about to cross the bridge between being upset and being depressed I look at IPJ's blog. It makes me feel a little better when I see he hasn't written a new post in forever.
And then I think too much on this and I feel bad again, because I know he's been though alot recently and he has good reasons not to write, if he doesn't want to.
Thank goodness that pan of blondies I made this afternoon is in arms reach.
2.23.2010
2.06.2010
1.27.2010
1.06.2010
holy shit
That's it! I am officially one of those crazy moms. Not the type that ignores their children. You know, the type that worries about everything. I told my dad the other day that everyday I observe something about my daughter and I worry about it. Generally, my worries are around nursing; weight gain, gas, schedule, etc. For the last 3 days my concern is about poo.
Poo is a nice way of saying crap, shit, stool, feces. Even to her doctor, I can say the grownup word urinate, but I can only call her dirty diapers pooy diapers.
Anyway, I won't get into the details of her 'poo.' But I will say that so far all of the baby books I have, WebMD, BabyCenter.com, and my parents tell me that I don't have anything to be concerned with. My own instincts tell me there is not a problem. But her poo has changed, there has to be a problem, right?!
Look, I can handle the cradle cap, the baby acne, the crying at 1am, and I even was totally calm about her pink eye. But the poo has thrown me for a loop. I don't know what to say. I'm not the same girl you all have come to love. Or, I am the same crazy girl. I've just found a new level of crazy to share.
(in a small voice) Help me.
Poo is a nice way of saying crap, shit, stool, feces. Even to her doctor, I can say the grownup word urinate, but I can only call her dirty diapers pooy diapers.
Anyway, I won't get into the details of her 'poo.' But I will say that so far all of the baby books I have, WebMD, BabyCenter.com, and my parents tell me that I don't have anything to be concerned with. My own instincts tell me there is not a problem. But her poo has changed, there has to be a problem, right?!
Look, I can handle the cradle cap, the baby acne, the crying at 1am, and I even was totally calm about her pink eye. But the poo has thrown me for a loop. I don't know what to say. I'm not the same girl you all have come to love. Or, I am the same crazy girl. I've just found a new level of crazy to share.
(in a small voice) Help me.
12.30.2009
who's a super mom now?
Now that I have an addition to my family (aka: cutie-patootie baby) and money is a little tighter than before, I've been perusing sites catered to stay-at-home and working part-time mommies, looking for ideas to help make my money go further. The author of moneysavingmom.com is starting an "eat what you've got" challenge. Simple enough. Just try to use up the food that's in your pantry, minimize what you buy at the grocery, save money. I can do that. Of course my family can't do without a few staples, like milk, fresh produce, and fresh bread, but I would love to clean out my food cabinets and start fresh all over again. So, since goals that are written down are more likely to be actualized, here are my goals:
1. Start date: officially January 1st, but I can use up items in my pantry now, if I choose.
2. Duration: as long as it takes to clean out the cupboards. Afterwards the goal will be to maintain a pantry with a minimal amount of food to last through the week and/or month.
3. Output: make breakfast, lunch, dinner, snacks, desserts out of what we have on hand and only purchasing what is absolutely needed to supplement our meals (ex: eggs for breakfast but can also go with items on hand for baking muffins).
4. Cost: I know what I could easily spend, but let's say my goal is to spend no more than $50/week on groceries. I know that may seem high for a weekly grocery bill for two adults and an infant who's exclusively breastfeeding (solid foods around the corner), but I base that on two factors; a. my dad spend $100/week on groceries for 2 adults and 3 growing children (and this was only 15-20 years ago) and b. I want to pocket what we don't spend and put it towards paying off debt.
5. Exceptions: we should be allowed to treat ourselves. One meal per week either eaten out or as take-out. Cost of meal does not count towards grocery bill nor can it be pocketed towards debt goal either (since I could easily spend $10 - $40 for a meal out). Entertainment spending goal can be created at another time.
So, I'll do my best to document our progress. It seems like a good resolution for the new year and like an obtainable goal. Other goals for the year:
A. Save up for next Christmas. I've done this one in the past with a generally successful outcome. I save up all of the loose change we collect throughout the year and make presents for family members only and holiday cards for everyone else. This year I'm counting on the sentimental factor to help us out since we have a baby (ie: customized photo calendars or photo mugs perhaps?). A small item that can be massed produced will cost less than previous years gifts (food baskets) and shipping costs will be cheaper, too. The rest of the saved money will be spent on our daughter and anything left over will either be saved for the next Christmas or be used to pay off a bill.
B. Pay off 50% of our student loans. This is a big one, because the bulk of our debt (and likely yours too) is student loans. Damn me and my other for getting a college education and damn the bureaucracy for making obtaining a higher education so expensive. My other and I worked while going to school, had daily living expenses to pay, and ended up with a large bill to show for our combined 2 bachelors and 2 masters degrees. Once this is all paid off we can seriously save up for a down payment on our own white-picketed American dream.
C. Begin and contribute to a college savings account for our daughter. I want her to hold a part-time job while in school, but I also don't want her to be burdened with years of debt that will postpone other life goals that she will want to pursue.
D. Take mini-vacations with my family. We just got a Zipcar membership and we have big plans for the car. Staycations galore (well, maybe not galore, but hopefully once a month) that will include seeing local sites and events only accessible by automobile. Being stuck in the city can make one feel claustrophobic. Of course we will take advantage of what the city has to offer, but it would be nice to drive somewhere too.
Wow! What a long post. But what a big year we have ahead of us. I hope you have goals that you'll work towards in 2010. I say goal rather than resolution because resolutions are meant to be broken and goals are meant to be realized. Happy New Year everyone!
1. Start date: officially January 1st, but I can use up items in my pantry now, if I choose.
2. Duration: as long as it takes to clean out the cupboards. Afterwards the goal will be to maintain a pantry with a minimal amount of food to last through the week and/or month.
3. Output: make breakfast, lunch, dinner, snacks, desserts out of what we have on hand and only purchasing what is absolutely needed to supplement our meals (ex: eggs for breakfast but can also go with items on hand for baking muffins).
4. Cost: I know what I could easily spend, but let's say my goal is to spend no more than $50/week on groceries. I know that may seem high for a weekly grocery bill for two adults and an infant who's exclusively breastfeeding (solid foods around the corner), but I base that on two factors; a. my dad spend $100/week on groceries for 2 adults and 3 growing children (and this was only 15-20 years ago) and b. I want to pocket what we don't spend and put it towards paying off debt.
5. Exceptions: we should be allowed to treat ourselves. One meal per week either eaten out or as take-out. Cost of meal does not count towards grocery bill nor can it be pocketed towards debt goal either (since I could easily spend $10 - $40 for a meal out). Entertainment spending goal can be created at another time.
So, I'll do my best to document our progress. It seems like a good resolution for the new year and like an obtainable goal. Other goals for the year:
A. Save up for next Christmas. I've done this one in the past with a generally successful outcome. I save up all of the loose change we collect throughout the year and make presents for family members only and holiday cards for everyone else. This year I'm counting on the sentimental factor to help us out since we have a baby (ie: customized photo calendars or photo mugs perhaps?). A small item that can be massed produced will cost less than previous years gifts (food baskets) and shipping costs will be cheaper, too. The rest of the saved money will be spent on our daughter and anything left over will either be saved for the next Christmas or be used to pay off a bill.
B. Pay off 50% of our student loans. This is a big one, because the bulk of our debt (and likely yours too) is student loans. Damn me and my other for getting a college education and damn the bureaucracy for making obtaining a higher education so expensive. My other and I worked while going to school, had daily living expenses to pay, and ended up with a large bill to show for our combined 2 bachelors and 2 masters degrees. Once this is all paid off we can seriously save up for a down payment on our own white-picketed American dream.
C. Begin and contribute to a college savings account for our daughter. I want her to hold a part-time job while in school, but I also don't want her to be burdened with years of debt that will postpone other life goals that she will want to pursue.
D. Take mini-vacations with my family. We just got a Zipcar membership and we have big plans for the car. Staycations galore (well, maybe not galore, but hopefully once a month) that will include seeing local sites and events only accessible by automobile. Being stuck in the city can make one feel claustrophobic. Of course we will take advantage of what the city has to offer, but it would be nice to drive somewhere too.
Wow! What a long post. But what a big year we have ahead of us. I hope you have goals that you'll work towards in 2010. I say goal rather than resolution because resolutions are meant to be broken and goals are meant to be realized. Happy New Year everyone!
12.09.2009
What nobody talks about regarding pregnancy
Constipation.
I suspect there's a good reason for the avoidance of this subject. I, however, can not find one. It's incredibly sad when you can not do a 2. My mother suggests coffee, cereal with fiber, and walking around. Good advice. What she does not say is that it's all about maintenance from here on out. Eat fruits and veggies that are naturally high in fiber, drink lots and lots of water, and add unprocessed wheat bran to your diet.
What does this have to do with pregnancy? Well, something else no one ever mentions about pregnancy; the birthing process. Though labor pains may feel like the absolute worst period cramps you could ever have, pushing a baby out is like trying to squeeze a watermelon out of your butt. In fact, when I was told to push, I was told to bear down and push as if I had a really big poop to let out. Yes, this may be disgusting, but it's the truth (let this be a warning for anyone who is thinking about getting knocked up). The consequence... constipation (I'll let you figure that one out). Not just in the immediate days following a birth, but potentially in the following weeks to come.
So boys and girls, the lesson here is an apple a day will keep the doctor away from performing an anal exam on you. Unless he's really cute and it's the only way to get a date from him. If that's the case then I really don't know what to say or do except shake my head in shame that I am openly your friend.
I suspect there's a good reason for the avoidance of this subject. I, however, can not find one. It's incredibly sad when you can not do a 2. My mother suggests coffee, cereal with fiber, and walking around. Good advice. What she does not say is that it's all about maintenance from here on out. Eat fruits and veggies that are naturally high in fiber, drink lots and lots of water, and add unprocessed wheat bran to your diet.
What does this have to do with pregnancy? Well, something else no one ever mentions about pregnancy; the birthing process. Though labor pains may feel like the absolute worst period cramps you could ever have, pushing a baby out is like trying to squeeze a watermelon out of your butt. In fact, when I was told to push, I was told to bear down and push as if I had a really big poop to let out. Yes, this may be disgusting, but it's the truth (let this be a warning for anyone who is thinking about getting knocked up). The consequence... constipation (I'll let you figure that one out). Not just in the immediate days following a birth, but potentially in the following weeks to come.
So boys and girls, the lesson here is an apple a day will keep the doctor away from performing an anal exam on you. Unless he's really cute and it's the only way to get a date from him. If that's the case then I really don't know what to say or do except shake my head in shame that I am openly your friend.
11.17.2009
heard the news yet?
I'm sure all but the random person who reads my blog knows that I recently gave birth to a beautiful little girl. So, I'm not sure how often I'll be updating here, but I promise that I'll have rants and funny ditties that I'll want to occasionally share. For example...
I'm sitting at home, watching my other and my baby sleeping on the couch in front of me. I'm having a problem with a site that I'm trying to order from (it won't keep krap in the kart- and yes, that is an intentional misspelling, IPJ) and I'm trying to heal my very sore and very cracked nipples (yes, I'm being very blunt Isaac). I'm so completely heartbroken that I'm having problems nutritionally providing for my little girl. Pumping is a very very slow process right now, I'm feeding her almost every hour because she's getting so little milk, and I'm exhausted from the lack of sleep. It's so unfair and all I want to do is cry. I'm praying that it's not a serious infection and I am seeking the help of a lactation consultant. I hope it all works out soon. I desperately want her to grow up happy and healthy on breastmilk and not formula.
I've never felt so instantly in love before. It was a little different with my other. Several people in my life recognized that I was in love before I did and by the time I realized it it felt as if I was always in love with this person. With the baby, I look at her and I smile, perhaps cry a little (because I'm so happy), and shake my head in amazement that I was able to produce a miracle. I'm so lucky to be a mommy. Given my history with my birth parents, I feel a sense of pride when I hold her and drive to make sure I give her what I never received.
So in short, my love may keep me from writing often. I enjoy this blog community very much, but I absolutely adore my child.
I'm sitting at home, watching my other and my baby sleeping on the couch in front of me. I'm having a problem with a site that I'm trying to order from (it won't keep krap in the kart- and yes, that is an intentional misspelling, IPJ) and I'm trying to heal my very sore and very cracked nipples (yes, I'm being very blunt Isaac). I'm so completely heartbroken that I'm having problems nutritionally providing for my little girl. Pumping is a very very slow process right now, I'm feeding her almost every hour because she's getting so little milk, and I'm exhausted from the lack of sleep. It's so unfair and all I want to do is cry. I'm praying that it's not a serious infection and I am seeking the help of a lactation consultant. I hope it all works out soon. I desperately want her to grow up happy and healthy on breastmilk and not formula.
I've never felt so instantly in love before. It was a little different with my other. Several people in my life recognized that I was in love before I did and by the time I realized it it felt as if I was always in love with this person. With the baby, I look at her and I smile, perhaps cry a little (because I'm so happy), and shake my head in amazement that I was able to produce a miracle. I'm so lucky to be a mommy. Given my history with my birth parents, I feel a sense of pride when I hold her and drive to make sure I give her what I never received.
So in short, my love may keep me from writing often. I enjoy this blog community very much, but I absolutely adore my child.
11.10.2009
anticipation
Warning to BB: Don't freak out when you read this post. Just don't... please.
Are we ready? Alright. I went to the midwife yesterday to get checked out because I'm a little past due and something happened to me that wasn't one of those things I was told to look out for. I hate when that happens. I got checked up the skirt and had a fetal monitor strapped to me for 20 minutes (I have a new love for Lauren J for being hooked up to that thing while being in labor). Suffice to say, baby's doing awesome, daddy's calm, and mommy's waiting for a big obvious sign; like an Acme anvil being dropped on my head or something close to that.
Sometime around 1am this morning I started to feel uncomfortable. Really uncomfortable. Like changing-the-position-or-going-to-the-bathroom-doesn't-solve-it uncomfortable. Well, I am currently at home, still in my jammies, timing my frequent cramps. So far it's been inconsistent. For about half an hour I'll get the 30 second contractions ever 10 minutes, then I'll be 20 minutes without anything, then 30 second contractions every 5 minutes for 20 minutes. This might be Braxton-Hicks (aka false labor) contractions. Nothing to call the midwife about. (For those of you not in the know, true labor, more often than not, has a predictable pattern that begins with contractions that last for 30 seconds, ever 10 minutes, for an hour or more. The contractions then begin to increase in length of time and occur closer together as the baby nears.)
All I can think is: when will I start to notice a pattern? I wonder if I can take Tylenol for this pain? And, how can I get my hands on a big bowl of Pasta Carbonara? I might be more concerned with the pasta than anything else at this point. But that's okay.
Don't worry, as soon as I end up going to the hospital the phone-tree will begin. In the mean-time hang tight, cross your fingers for me, and will someone please stop by with a pasta lunch for me?
Are we ready? Alright. I went to the midwife yesterday to get checked out because I'm a little past due and something happened to me that wasn't one of those things I was told to look out for. I hate when that happens. I got checked up the skirt and had a fetal monitor strapped to me for 20 minutes (I have a new love for Lauren J for being hooked up to that thing while being in labor). Suffice to say, baby's doing awesome, daddy's calm, and mommy's waiting for a big obvious sign; like an Acme anvil being dropped on my head or something close to that.
Sometime around 1am this morning I started to feel uncomfortable. Really uncomfortable. Like changing-the-position-or-going-to-the-bathroom-doesn't-solve-it uncomfortable. Well, I am currently at home, still in my jammies, timing my frequent cramps. So far it's been inconsistent. For about half an hour I'll get the 30 second contractions ever 10 minutes, then I'll be 20 minutes without anything, then 30 second contractions every 5 minutes for 20 minutes. This might be Braxton-Hicks (aka false labor) contractions. Nothing to call the midwife about. (For those of you not in the know, true labor, more often than not, has a predictable pattern that begins with contractions that last for 30 seconds, ever 10 minutes, for an hour or more. The contractions then begin to increase in length of time and occur closer together as the baby nears.)
All I can think is: when will I start to notice a pattern? I wonder if I can take Tylenol for this pain? And, how can I get my hands on a big bowl of Pasta Carbonara? I might be more concerned with the pasta than anything else at this point. But that's okay.
Don't worry, as soon as I end up going to the hospital the phone-tree will begin. In the mean-time hang tight, cross your fingers for me, and will someone please stop by with a pasta lunch for me?
11.09.2009
well, someone appreciates my gratitude
*Photo courtesy of Lauren J and the bean. Also, brought to you by the letter "A." Awwww.
11.06.2009
banter, with a side of baby
The following is a text conversation that took place between IPJ and myself yesterday. The texts were edited to be legible (primarily because I'm a horrible speller) for the reader.
IPJ: Baby hat mach two finished. Are you free tomorrow? I'm done at 11.
me: Yeah, but I'm staying close to home. 1 cm dilated and 70% effaced. Can you make it out this way and I can meet you for dessert-lunch near the subway?
IPJ: Ew. Could we meet around 2 or 3 or is that too late?
me: No, that's great. Just let me know when you are available and I'll meet you. Does a Greek dessert sound like a good lunch?
IPJ: That's not code for eating like a pudding made out of your broken water is it? I'm going to try to shop for a bed tomorrow then head up to your area afterward.
me: Um haha no! Where would you get that idea (nervous laugh). Hope your bed shopping is successful.
IPJ: They just made that on Iron Chef. The secret ingredient was baby!
me: I bet it tasted like chicken.
IPJ: But like three times as expensive! Baby prices have gotten out of control.
me: I won't eat baby. Do you know how they're treated? Veal has a more humane existence than baby does.
IPJ: Oh please. Babies don't have feelings.
me: Pu-leeze. I see those commercials that have Sarah McLaughlin singing "In the Arms of an Angel" and the sad pitiful faces of the babies in cages.
IPJ: Left wing liberal propaganda. Those were probably her kids in a set up shot. If you don't support baby eating you don't support America!
me: Oh, just because I have an opinion that makes me a socialist.
IPJ: This was the best text conversation I've ever had. Also, I know you are but what am I?
me: This is soo going on my blog for the world to experience.
IPJ: Baby hat mach two finished. Are you free tomorrow? I'm done at 11.
me: Yeah, but I'm staying close to home. 1 cm dilated and 70% effaced. Can you make it out this way and I can meet you for dessert-lunch near the subway?
IPJ: Ew. Could we meet around 2 or 3 or is that too late?
me: No, that's great. Just let me know when you are available and I'll meet you. Does a Greek dessert sound like a good lunch?
IPJ: That's not code for eating like a pudding made out of your broken water is it? I'm going to try to shop for a bed tomorrow then head up to your area afterward.
me: Um haha no! Where would you get that idea (nervous laugh). Hope your bed shopping is successful.
IPJ: They just made that on Iron Chef. The secret ingredient was baby!
me: I bet it tasted like chicken.
IPJ: But like three times as expensive! Baby prices have gotten out of control.
me: I won't eat baby. Do you know how they're treated? Veal has a more humane existence than baby does.
IPJ: Oh please. Babies don't have feelings.
me: Pu-leeze. I see those commercials that have Sarah McLaughlin singing "In the Arms of an Angel" and the sad pitiful faces of the babies in cages.
IPJ: Left wing liberal propaganda. Those were probably her kids in a set up shot. If you don't support baby eating you don't support America!
me: Oh, just because I have an opinion that makes me a socialist.
IPJ: This was the best text conversation I've ever had. Also, I know you are but what am I?
me: This is soo going on my blog for the world to experience.
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