What nobody talks about regarding pregnancy

Constipation.

I suspect there's a good reason for the avoidance of this subject. I, however, can not find one. It's incredibly sad when you can not do a 2. My mother suggests coffee, cereal with fiber, and walking around. Good advice. What she does not say is that it's all about maintenance from here on out. Eat fruits and veggies that are naturally high in fiber, drink lots and lots of water, and add unprocessed wheat bran to your diet.

What does this have to do with pregnancy? Well, something else no one ever mentions about pregnancy; the birthing process. Though labor pains may feel like the absolute worst period cramps you could ever have, pushing a baby out is like trying to squeeze a watermelon out of your butt. In fact, when I was told to push, I was told to bear down and push as if I had a really big poop to let out. Yes, this may be disgusting, but it's the truth (let this be a warning for anyone who is thinking about getting knocked up). The consequence... constipation (I'll let you figure that one out). Not just in the immediate days following a birth, but potentially in the following weeks to come.

So boys and girls, the lesson here is an apple a day will keep the doctor away from performing an anal exam on you. Unless he's really cute and it's the only way to get a date from him. If that's the case then I really don't know what to say or do except shake my head in shame that I am openly your friend.