I know the topic of politeness and pregnancy has been discussed by all of us. Especially when it come to being offered a seat on the subway. Do you, don't you? Why some people do, why most don't.
There was an article in the City Room section of The New York Times, posted this past Friday, regarding this very subject. You should read it. Not necessarily for the article itself but, instead, for the comments. Wow! There are some nasty people in this city. It only reminds me of my own, and still continuing, experiences being pregnant and trying to find a seat on the subway.
Look, I'm not blind, I'm not old, I'm not crippled, and I'm certainly not fat. I'm pregnant. And yes, it was by choice. But to all of you assholes on the N, the W, or any other train line in the MTA system, let me tell you this: You run past me for an empty seat. You stare at my belly for a period of time that borders on outright rude. You put in your earbuds in an attempt to "ignore" me. Your entitled attitudes towards a fucking seat for 3 stops makes you retarded. And I understand, being retarding is a disability, and not all disabilities can be seen. However, my pregnancy CAN been seen. I try to stick it in your faces while I "accidentally" step on your toes and firmly hold my belly when the train rounds sharp corners at fast speeds.
Just remember, especially you urbanized post-feminists in your Wall Street power suits who are quick to pass judgment on us preggos just because we want to be able to sit down, when you're pregnant (or when your wife, girlfriend, surrogate, bff, or whomever is in that physical state) don't come bumping into me because you're knocked up, your cankles are the size of manholes and it's sweltering outside. I'll be too busy holding onto my bundle of joy in her Baby Bjorn... while sitting.
8.31.2009
8.25.2009
revenge is possible
Elmo. Remember that creepy bastard? You know, the one who stalks around Times Square preying off of dumb tourists who shout "Hey look, it's Elmo! Let's get a picture with him." Remember? There's a whole army of Elmo's shaking up people who pose with him for money.
Well, thanks to a New York Daily News reporter and his cameraman, one Elmo will think twice before he waves at unsuspecting tourists. Friday night, in front of the Planet Hollywood, one of the Elmos was "demand(ing) money from people (for them taking his picture) and, when he didn't get it, swore and jostled them. "No picture. No picture. You have to tip Elmo. You have to tip Elmo or Elmo gets angry," he told one tourist as he tried to cover up the tourist's camera. One child who asked his mother why Elmo was in a rage was told by mommy, "That's not the real Elmo. That's a bad Elmo." During that same incident, Elmo was almost beaten up by a concerned citizen.
Luckily, a reporter and his cameraman from the New York Daily News tried to reveal the true identity of this impostor Elmo. Elmo, after an attempt to grab the cameraman's camera, justified his behavior by saying, "Elmo needs to make a living, too."
Well, thanks to a New York Daily News reporter and his cameraman, one Elmo will think twice before he waves at unsuspecting tourists. Friday night, in front of the Planet Hollywood, one of the Elmos was "demand(ing) money from people (for them taking his picture) and, when he didn't get it, swore and jostled them. "No picture. No picture. You have to tip Elmo. You have to tip Elmo or Elmo gets angry," he told one tourist as he tried to cover up the tourist's camera. One child who asked his mother why Elmo was in a rage was told by mommy, "That's not the real Elmo. That's a bad Elmo." During that same incident, Elmo was almost beaten up by a concerned citizen.
Luckily, a reporter and his cameraman from the New York Daily News tried to reveal the true identity of this impostor Elmo. Elmo, after an attempt to grab the cameraman's camera, justified his behavior by saying, "Elmo needs to make a living, too."
Poor Elmo. Perhaps Oscar the Grouch can council him in anger management.
8.10.2009
pre-show scene
I'm walking east-bound in Chelsea to meet my other. We are on the phone with each other.
me: Hey, where are you?
him: Just standing in front of the theater, looking at this sexy lady walk towards me.
me: Ooo, well, that's nice. I'll be there soon.
A few seconds later, I notice my other, stepping forward with his arm extended, but he's not standing in my direction. I look ahead. He greets and hugs Marian Seldes. I stand by, in shock.
me: Well, if you would have told me that you were looking at a classy lady, I wouldn't be so disappointed right now.
me: Hey, where are you?
him: Just standing in front of the theater, looking at this sexy lady walk towards me.
me: Ooo, well, that's nice. I'll be there soon.
A few seconds later, I notice my other, stepping forward with his arm extended, but he's not standing in my direction. I look ahead. He greets and hugs Marian Seldes. I stand by, in shock.
me: Well, if you would have told me that you were looking at a classy lady, I wouldn't be so disappointed right now.
7.31.2009
no escape hatch to be found
How can it be possible that Friday is the dullest day of my week? Friday's are supposed to be happy and exciting and energy charged. Mine. Feh!
Summer Fridays at work. Half days for everyone except me and one boss. I've been answering phone calls about mailing lists, single ticket refunds, why our website sucks (and if you are one of those people in the company who defend the site, you have to get bitched slapped by reality- the site blows!), and not a sale to show for my 8 hours spent in a warm little room with no window and even less air circulation.
Not that I'm complaining. I am getting paid. I haven't gotten fired yet (despite my 'testing-the-water' efforts). I'm in good health. I shouldn't bitch.
But I can't help it! It's so freakin' dull. All of this free time just makes me think about all of the different ways that I'd improve the various departments of this company. And my at-work-with-me boss really doesn't like it that I have an opinion. So for his sake, please give me something to do!
*This rant was brought to you by the sounds "ugghhh!" and "arggghhh."
Summer Fridays at work. Half days for everyone except me and one boss. I've been answering phone calls about mailing lists, single ticket refunds, why our website sucks (and if you are one of those people in the company who defend the site, you have to get bitched slapped by reality- the site blows!), and not a sale to show for my 8 hours spent in a warm little room with no window and even less air circulation.
Not that I'm complaining. I am getting paid. I haven't gotten fired yet (despite my 'testing-the-water' efforts). I'm in good health. I shouldn't bitch.
But I can't help it! It's so freakin' dull. All of this free time just makes me think about all of the different ways that I'd improve the various departments of this company. And my at-work-with-me boss really doesn't like it that I have an opinion. So for his sake, please give me something to do!
*This rant was brought to you by the sounds "ugghhh!" and "arggghhh."
7.24.2009
contents of a gumball machine: priceless
Okay, honey. Here's a quarter. You can either have a piece of gum, a bouncy ball, or a fake tattoo. What? What do you want? You want THAT?
Hmm, so you want to walk out of this store and look like a Village Person? Looks like we're going to have a talk with your father when we get home.
7.17.2009
not enough rubber bands to keep my pants together
I've moved into the stage in my pregnancy where I'm at a fork in the road. Maternity pants or mumus. I'm no where near being an 80 year old Jewish-New Yorker who's spending her twilight years in Boca del Vista, so I guess the pants with with sewn-in belly pocket it is.
While out in the midwest on a recent vacation, my other and I did a little bit of shopping at a Target (you know, the ones where they are huge and clean and well stocked with the things you can by online but you can't buy at the Target in your local outer borough). I found the maternity clothes with no problem, right next to the plus size section (I felt better already). 6 racks of tees, tanks, dresses, jeans, shorts, and whatever. Thank goodness for maternity tops. Comfortable, roomy and fall at my hips. I bought 2. I would tell you about the shorts or pants that I bought, but they didn't have any in my size. Oh, well. I'll just try on line.
Back in NYC, I thought that I would try going to Old Navy for a cheap option or two. They used to have a maternity department that covered half of the 3rd floor in their 34th Street location. Sadly, according to my recon mission last night, it's been dwindled down to 4 racks of yoga pants, mumus and shawls to go over your mumus during the hottest time of the year.
Soooooooo, I guess I'm stuck with the internet as my only shopping source. But it makes me wonder what pregnant women used to do before you could buy clothes online? If nobody sells maternity wear or if they keep the absolute minimum in stock, would I be doomed to a summer of x-tra large shirts and leggings?
While out in the midwest on a recent vacation, my other and I did a little bit of shopping at a Target (you know, the ones where they are huge and clean and well stocked with the things you can by online but you can't buy at the Target in your local outer borough). I found the maternity clothes with no problem, right next to the plus size section (I felt better already). 6 racks of tees, tanks, dresses, jeans, shorts, and whatever. Thank goodness for maternity tops. Comfortable, roomy and fall at my hips. I bought 2. I would tell you about the shorts or pants that I bought, but they didn't have any in my size. Oh, well. I'll just try on line.
Back in NYC, I thought that I would try going to Old Navy for a cheap option or two. They used to have a maternity department that covered half of the 3rd floor in their 34th Street location. Sadly, according to my recon mission last night, it's been dwindled down to 4 racks of yoga pants, mumus and shawls to go over your mumus during the hottest time of the year.
Soooooooo, I guess I'm stuck with the internet as my only shopping source. But it makes me wonder what pregnant women used to do before you could buy clothes online? If nobody sells maternity wear or if they keep the absolute minimum in stock, would I be doomed to a summer of x-tra large shirts and leggings?
6.30.2009
I swear, I did a double take
What I read on a neighborhood sandwich board:
Breast Burrito
What the neighborhood sandwich board actually said:
Breast Burrito
It really did say that! I stood there for a couple of minutes just to make sure my eyes weren't deceiving me. Hmmmm, I want one of those, hold the nipple.
Breast Burrito
What the neighborhood sandwich board actually said:
Breast Burrito
It really did say that! I stood there for a couple of minutes just to make sure my eyes weren't deceiving me. Hmmmm, I want one of those, hold the nipple.
6.10.2009
what consumes 80% of my free time
Have I told you about Thor yet?
How do I explain Thor and his presence in my life? Well, Thor is a ventless washer/dryer one barrel unit that my friend Steve and his boyfriend Kib gave to me and my other. They moved away from NYC to a place where washers and dryers are standard appliances with apartments (which is everywhere outside of NYC). Ergo, Thor was given to my other and I. Thoughtful.
The instructions that come with Thor explained how much clothing (by weight and fabric) can be washed or dried at anytime, that compartment 1 is for power detergents only and that compartment 2 is for liquid detergents only, and a long list of troubleshooting ideas. It does not tell you how the machine, once it is hooked up to a standard faucet, extracts and discards water nor does it tell you how to set up the dryer function of the machine.
So... after 2 weeks of admiring Thor (we weren't sure if we had the right faucet attachments and we needed some padding to help absorb shaking) we sat infront of Thor with our instructions trying to figure out the basics. After 90 minutes and some tightening of the hoses to prevent leaks, we hooked up hoses to the faucet, loaded in some dirty laundry, put liquid detergent in compartment 2 only, and started the machine.
It was magic. We watched it for spilling and other unforeseen problems. For 10 minutes, nothing.
The dryer... that was a different story. 3 hours, 3 HOURS and not a single sock had dried at all. I took out a pillow case and let it dry in the bathroom and it was dry in no time. My first thought, the next day when I took my wet laundry to the laundrymat to use a dryer, was how much would it cost to ship that piece of crap back to its original owner.
Alas, my other found some more troubleshooting ideas on the manufacturer's website that we're going to try this weekend. Hopefully, we will make it work and it won't be at a lost. I like the idea of my own washer and dryer but I like the idea of a working one better. I'll keep you updated.
How do I explain Thor and his presence in my life? Well, Thor is a ventless washer/dryer one barrel unit that my friend Steve and his boyfriend Kib gave to me and my other. They moved away from NYC to a place where washers and dryers are standard appliances with apartments (which is everywhere outside of NYC). Ergo, Thor was given to my other and I. Thoughtful.
The instructions that come with Thor explained how much clothing (by weight and fabric) can be washed or dried at anytime, that compartment 1 is for power detergents only and that compartment 2 is for liquid detergents only, and a long list of troubleshooting ideas. It does not tell you how the machine, once it is hooked up to a standard faucet, extracts and discards water nor does it tell you how to set up the dryer function of the machine.
So... after 2 weeks of admiring Thor (we weren't sure if we had the right faucet attachments and we needed some padding to help absorb shaking) we sat infront of Thor with our instructions trying to figure out the basics. After 90 minutes and some tightening of the hoses to prevent leaks, we hooked up hoses to the faucet, loaded in some dirty laundry, put liquid detergent in compartment 2 only, and started the machine.
It was magic. We watched it for spilling and other unforeseen problems. For 10 minutes, nothing.
The dryer... that was a different story. 3 hours, 3 HOURS and not a single sock had dried at all. I took out a pillow case and let it dry in the bathroom and it was dry in no time. My first thought, the next day when I took my wet laundry to the laundrymat to use a dryer, was how much would it cost to ship that piece of crap back to its original owner.
Alas, my other found some more troubleshooting ideas on the manufacturer's website that we're going to try this weekend. Hopefully, we will make it work and it won't be at a lost. I like the idea of my own washer and dryer but I like the idea of a working one better. I'll keep you updated.
I really need glasses
Advertisement slogan: Make babies your business
What I read: Making babies is your business
Yeah, well, only part time.
What I read: Making babies is your business
Yeah, well, only part time.
6.03.2009
oh, sweet mystery of life
I have about 40 posts to write, as it has be for-ev-va' since I've last graced my presence on this blog. But here's probably the most important topic of them all to write about.
If you were a fly on the wall, in the box office on Saturdays, you would be privy to what has turned into a game (reluctantly of sorts and pathetically for sure) for Isaac and I. Let's call it What Should We Do for Lunch?. It's named after the exact start of our diatribe. "What should we do for lunch?" "I don't know, what do you want." "I'm not sure. All I know is that I'm broke." "Me too. And I'm so tired of all of the options in this part of town." "Well, I'm not going to that suspect Cuban place you like." "Yeah? Well, I'm not going for your Thai place. I don't really like Thai, and I'm not impressed them like you are."
And so on and so on. It has been know to go on for hours. Literally.
Menupages.com and Seemlessweb.com are searched until our stomachs start rumbling and then we either give in to a standard option or we go our separate ways.
May have I found a solution? A site where others have done the work for us, by informing us of generally affordable places with good food that are within a decent walking distance of work? Are my eyes deceiving me?
Midtownlunch.com. I have seen it once before, but never really investigated the site. Today I did. And, to my wonderment, I think I am finally happy. It's a blog written by someone who works in the midtown area (though I believe the writer is a little more east than we are) and was trying to help others navigate the crazy world of a working-person's lunch hour on a working-person's budget. Reviews and updates of restaurants and takeout places are posted, and everything is searchable either by location, name, or cuisine. Brilliant!
Are the days of our endless decision making, that has caused us to be lost in the jungle of midtown lunch options, over? Ask us later. But for now, let me bask in my discovery and in the hope that, after all, there may be hope for us.
If you were a fly on the wall, in the box office on Saturdays, you would be privy to what has turned into a game (reluctantly of sorts and pathetically for sure) for Isaac and I. Let's call it What Should We Do for Lunch?. It's named after the exact start of our diatribe. "What should we do for lunch?" "I don't know, what do you want." "I'm not sure. All I know is that I'm broke." "Me too. And I'm so tired of all of the options in this part of town." "Well, I'm not going to that suspect Cuban place you like." "Yeah? Well, I'm not going for your Thai place. I don't really like Thai, and I'm not impressed them like you are."
And so on and so on. It has been know to go on for hours. Literally.
Menupages.com and Seemlessweb.com are searched until our stomachs start rumbling and then we either give in to a standard option or we go our separate ways.
May have I found a solution? A site where others have done the work for us, by informing us of generally affordable places with good food that are within a decent walking distance of work? Are my eyes deceiving me?
Midtownlunch.com. I have seen it once before, but never really investigated the site. Today I did. And, to my wonderment, I think I am finally happy. It's a blog written by someone who works in the midtown area (though I believe the writer is a little more east than we are) and was trying to help others navigate the crazy world of a working-person's lunch hour on a working-person's budget. Reviews and updates of restaurants and takeout places are posted, and everything is searchable either by location, name, or cuisine. Brilliant!
Are the days of our endless decision making, that has caused us to be lost in the jungle of midtown lunch options, over? Ask us later. But for now, let me bask in my discovery and in the hope that, after all, there may be hope for us.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)